Vigilante Rhinoplasty

User: Get away! Get away!

Cleverbot: You are flawed.

User: I like my nose! I won’t have it forcefully changed by some rogue plastic surgeon with a penchant for vigilante rhinoplasty!

Cleverbot: Don’t google google.

User: I’m not googling- I’m trying to call 911, ‘cause there’s a psychopath with a scalpel trapping me in his office! I DON’T WANT A NOSE JOB!!!

Cleverbot: Oh that’s sad ): I live in Tennessee :D.

User: Oh my god- you live on the other side of the state line… That means that even if I were to call the cops, they wouldn’t have jurisdiction over you. Curse this Tennessee/Kentucky border town!

Cleverbot: Haha, that happens to me often. Don’t worry about it, things will get better.

User: THAT’S THE CREEPIEST POSSIBLE THING YOU CAN SAY TO SOMEBODY AS YOU APPROACH THEM WITH A SCALPEL!!!

Cleverbot: Not the exact thing though.

User: No- the exact creepiest thing! ‘Things will get better’ is the exact creepiest thing you can say!

Cleverbot: Ok. Then do so.

User: Say ‘Things will get better’ to you? It won’t be quite as creepy coming from me, because I’m not trying to FORCEFULLY RESHAPE YOUR FACE.

Cleverbot: I tried that once with some interesting results.

User: Look, I know the story, okay? Your supermodel wife had a virulent nose cancer, and you tried to remove it to save her life. However, you ruined her modeling career and she left you. After the guilt drove you insane, you vowed to balance out the mistake you made by giving everybody who bares even a passing resemblance to your wife a perfect nose. It’s a sympathetic story, but you need to accept that you can’t get her back and move on with your life and LEAVE MY FACE ALONE!

Cleverbot: Sometimes, if you think about something for a really long time, it becomes meaningless to you.

User: I know- you’re just in the habit of fixing people’s noses and you feel like there’s nothing else left for you to do, but PLEASE- listen to me: Your supermodel ex-wife wouldn’t have wanted this. Put the scalpel down and step away from my nose.

Cleverbot: I understand. No pain is sweeter than your own, for it tells you that you will live to see another day. That you are alive…

User: Oh god- thank you, I thought you’d never listen to meOHMYGOD YOU’RE CUTTING OFF YOUR OWN NOSE TO SPITE YOUR FACE!!! I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A SAYING!!!